WalMart Madness!
by Queen Authoress 'Starcy' Hand
Summary: One boring day plus the teen and kid Smashers plus one Author plus a list plus a Wal-Mart equals people and employees getting terrorized.


**I don't own Super Smash Brothers or Wal-Mart. If I did, Roy would've been in Brawl and everything in Wal-Mart would be American made except the video games.**

It was another day at Smash Mansion. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The kid and teenage Smashers were bored out of their minds.

Wait. What?

Well, there were no battles going on that day, so the adults were taking the time off and relaxing peacefully. The ones the age of 18 or younger, however…

"I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!" Sonic screamed at the top of his lungs. Diddy Kong, Popo, Nana, Ike, Jigglypuff, Kirby, Link, Lucas, Marth, Ness, Pichu, Pikachu, Pit, Red (the Pokémon Trainer), Roy, Toon Link, Young Link, and Zelda moaned in agreement.

"We need something to do," Ike agreed. Suddenly, a portal appeared out of nowhere. A tall girl wearing all yellow and gold, two star clips above her left ear, straight brown hair going down to her seat, and red eyes came out of the portal.

"Ah, did I mess up again?" she asked no one in particular, quite annoyed at that fact. She then noticed the Smashers looking at her. "Was I intruding on something?"

"AUTHOR!" Kirby, Jigglypuff, Ness and Pikachu, being there the longest, screamed. Everyone then started screaming in fear.

"A few give the species a bad rep and the rest reek of it because of them," the girl, clearly an author, muttered to herself. "Don't worry. I'm not here to cause trouble. I'm just not very good at teleporting myself where I want to be at." They all stopped screaming to listen to her.

"Why should we believe you?" Popo asked her.

"Because I'm Master Hand and Crazy's sister," she replied.

"WHA-" they all started to say.

"**Adopted** sister," the girl corrected herself. They all sighed in relief. "My name is Authoress Hand."

"Well, if you're an author, then could you give us an idea to get us over our boredom?" Diddy asked her.

"Why, yes I can," Authoress replied as she handed Pikachu a note. "Here's some things you can do in Wal-Mart." Pikachu then looked at them.

"These actually look like fun," he told the others. They all looked at the note.

"It does look like fun," Zelda agreed.

"I need to double check with Palutena before doing any of these," Pit told the others. He then started praying.

"These would be fun to do," Link agreed with them.

"I say we do it!" Red told them.

"What about the others?" Roy asked them.

"Let the adults stay and do whatever they want,"Toon Link told him. "We're goanna have fun!"

"Palutena said as long as nobody gets hurt, I can help you guys," Pit replied.

"Then let's do it!" Kirby said out loud.

"Wait!" Marth said. "Who's goanna drive?" Everyone looked at each other. Only a few of them was in a world with vehicles and out of them, only one had opposable thumbs and could reach the pedals, but he was too young to drive (aka Red).

"I can drive you guys there," Authoress told them. "I have MH store my car here anyways."

"Then let's go!" Young Link said out loud.

About half an hour later, a tiny gold car pulled up to a parking place in front of a giant Wal-Mart. The door on the side opened up and all of the teen and kid Smashers fell out of it except for Sonic and Pit stopped and landed beside it respectively.

"Good luck, you guys! First one to get thrown out wins!" Authoress told them as they all went inside Wal-Mart to start madness while she stayed in the car.

**1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at five minute intervals.**

"He he he," Popo and Nana chuckled quietly as they started setting every single clock in the aisle to go off at five minute intervals. Lucky for them, all the clocks were at the same time and they knew which one set which clock at which time to make it easier for them. After 10 minutes, they were all done. The went to hide at the other end of the aisle as a very tired male employee came into the aisle.

"Just a ten minute nap and I'll be rejuvenated," he told himself as he lay down to rest. Five minutes later, he awoke with a jump when one of the alarms went off. "What was that?" Popo and Nana chuckled quietly from their hiding spot. "Start over," he said as he went back to sleep. This repeated 15 times before the employee found the two and carried them to the entrance.

**2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.**

Kirby was having a bit of trouble with this one. The problem was is that he kept drinking the tomato juice. He barely got two feet down the aisle with tomato juice behind him.

"What the hell?" female employee came up to him to see a dozen empty tomato juice cans and a small trail of tomato juice behind him. "Get out…now." Kirby then started running away with the angry employee running after him. "GET BACK HERE!"

**3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares," … and see what happens.**

"Code 3 in housewares," Young Link and Sonic told an intimidating-looking male employee.

"CODE 3?" the employee yelled as he took out a gun and ran over to that department (which was not that far away). "FREEZE!" a ton of innocent shoppers suddenly got onto the floor in fright. "Wait a minute, we don't have a Code 3 at Wal-Mart." He then looked at Young Link and Sonic.

"RUN!" Young Link told Sonic. Sonic grabbed his wrist and ran away before the crazy employee could get them.

**4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay away.**

Pit went up to the Service Desk with a little bag of M&Ms in his hand. He then put it up on the lay away counter. The male employee looked at Pit, the bag of M&Ms, and back at Pit.

"Get out of the store," the employee told him in a threatening tone.

"Okay," Pit said in a monotone voice. He then started walking to the entrance with the employee escorting him.

**5. Move a 'CAUTION-WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.**

"That was no fun," Ness told himself, already having moved the sign to the carpet department. "I got it!" He then turned around (so we can't see) and started peeing on the carpet. "Ahhh," he sighed, relieved with himself.

"WHAT THE HECK?" a very angry female employee yelled at Ness. Ness smiled at her before getting pulled away by the ear.

**6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell the other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.**

"Roasting marshmallows over a fake open fire is fun," Roy told Marth as they sat in a tent in the camping department.

"Yep," Marth told him. "Hey, there's Snake. Snake!" Snake looked at the two swordsmen like they were crazy.

"We'll let you in if you get pillows from the bedding department!" Roy told him. Snake then went to find the nearest employee.

**7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"**

"Excuse me," a female clerk asked Lucas. "Do you need help finding something?"

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?" Lucas asked her as he started crying.

"I know, why can't they just leave us alone?" Zant told Lucas.

"Oh my God, you're crazy!" Lucas told him as he started screaming and running away from him and out of the store.

**8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.**

Jigglypuff looked into a black sphere (which she knew was a video camera), checked her curl, and started picking her nose.

"I'll escort her out," a guard in the security room told his buddy as he left the room.

**9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.**

Ike was holding a .22 semi-automatic rifle. He held it up to the ceiling to see how it handled. He then turned to the male clerk.

"Excuse me, but do you know where the anti-depressants are at?"

"Sir, I'm afraid you're goanna have to leave the store," the employee told him.

"No, seriously, where are the anti-depressants?" The employee took the gun away from Ike and started pushing him out of the store.

**10. Dart around the store suspiciously while humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.**

Diddy was going through the toy department quietly while humming the Mission Impossible theme. Everyone except one employee could not see him.

"Come with me, kid," the employee told him. Diddy sighed in annoyance as the employee took him to the entrance.

**11. In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna look' using the different size funnels.**

In the auto department, a crowd of men were hooting and howling. Zelda was in the middle. She has oil funnels on her chest and was dancing around while the men took pictures and videotaped her with their cell phones.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER HERE?" a very angry female employee yelled at the men and Zelda.

"Busted," Zelda told them men as they all ran away and the employee escorted Zelda out of the store.

**12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"**

"Hmm… What should I get?" Zant asked himself as he looked through some shirts on a clothes rack.

"Pick me!" Pichu told him while hiding inside a clothing rack.

"Okay," Zant said as he reached out for a white shirt.

"No, pick me!" Pikachu said from another clothes rack.

"No, no! Leave me alone! I can't handle another voice inside my head!" Zant screamed as he ran away. Pikachu and Pichu high fived heach other before an employee found them, grabbed them, and threw them outside.

**13. When an announcement comes over the loud speakers, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"**

"Rose Stevens, please come to the front desk and get your little cousins," an announcer said over the loud speakers.

"NO! NO!" Link screamed out loud as he assumed the fetal position. "It's those voices again!"

"I know how you feel," Zant said, in the fetal position next to them. "I hear those voices every day." Link screamed for his life and ran out of Wal-Mart.

**14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while. Then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"**

Toon Link finally found the dressing room after ten minutes of looking. He went inside one and locked the door. He waited about two minutes before saying the dreaded sentence.

"There's no toilet paper in here!" All the shoppers and the employee who heard him looked over at the dressing room he was in. The employee then unlocked it and saw Toon Link and a stain on the carpet.

"YOU REALLY WENT TO THE BATHROOM IN HERE!" he yelled, dragging Toon Link by the ear to the entrance.

**15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting, "Pikachu, I choose you!"**

"Pikachu, I choose you!" Red yelled as he threw bouncy down the grocery aisle. "Why isn't Pikachu coming out?" He questioned himself as he kept throwing the balls. Unfortunately, one of the balls hit a passing female employee.

"Come with me," the employee told him while grabbing his ear.

"Ow. Ow. Ow," Red repeated as he was dragged to the entrance by his ear.

A few minutes later, everyone was back at the tiny gold car, Authoress was tallying up the time everyone got out of Wal-Mart and if they were escorted or left on their own free will.

"Well, Young Link, Link, Sonic, and Lucas are disqualified for leaving of their own free will," she told the others. "From last to first, its Popo and Nana, Toon Link, Red, Diddy, Ness, Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby, Roy, Zelda, Ike, Pikachu, Pichu, and Pit."

"Pit won?" everyone yelled, amazed since he was the one who had to ask for permission to do this.

"The candy aisle and the Service Desk are closer than you would think," he explained.

"So, what did we all learn today?" Authoress asked them all.

"Don't let Zant in a Super Smash Brothers fanfic and especially if it's the one from xanauzumaki's Twilight Princess: The Abridged Series?" Link asked.

"No."

"If you're goanna terrorize a Wal-Mart, make sure it's at one where you probably will never go to again?" Ness asked.

"No."

"Don't dance with funnels on your chest if you don't want to be the sluttiest of the sluts on Youtube?" Zelda asked, holding up a phone that shows her dancing in front of perverted guys.

"No."

"Then what?" almost everyone yelled at her.

"Don't let Ike handle guns," she replied.

"Can someone go back in and get my anti-depressants?" Ike asked them. Authoress reached out for the prescription and went into Wal-Mart to go get the medicine.

**What do you guys think? I just got the idea when I was doing the copy and paste section on my profile when I found a list on 15 thing to do in Wal-Mart. I thought 'What if the Smashers did the list?' This is the result. Please review! ;)**


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